Saturday, October 14, 2006

Has the Always Feminine Products Marketing Team Lost It's Mind?

Now, before I go off on this rant, I have to say that I am a fan of Always feminine products. That is why I was so disturbed when I noticed that the little paper covering the sticker on the pad one month told me to "Have a happy period." I've been looking for the actual paper, which I saved, and even tried to photograph, because I knew it would come to this. But I cannot find it.

I'm looking for it, because I know it also said the same thing in French. WHAT have the French done to us that they could not be spared this indignity? The truth of the matter is that I thought the French for it was less offensive. It was something about a bonne semaine. "Semaine" may actually be a synonym for period--I dunno, they didn't cover that in my high school OR college French. So, to me, "semaine" is week. Have a good week. Still kinda annoying, but doesn't feel the same to me as "have a happy period".

So, back to the original English. "Have a happy period." I cannot think of a single girlfriend I could either A. say this to or B. need to explain how wrong this is to say to anyone, and specifically how wrong it is to say if you are a piece of paper stuck on a feminine product. Do I have to explain what's wrong with this? I don't know if I can. It's like explaining why a Botox t-shirt on a pretty young woman is funny to an 8 year-old. But that is another post. I guess I will try.

1. We are not generally happy when we get our period (unless we were having a pregnancy scare, but that is a different story). I know, the pad is trying to make us happy. Nice try. (see #2.)

2. Salutations on pieces of paper stuck to our feminine hygiene products will not make us happy. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect on me and everyone I told it to.

So, now because I couldn't find the actual paper that was stuck to my feminine products, I was directed to visit the website. Are you seated? It is actually entitled "Have a happy period." Allright. I am slightly less mocked by the website than I was the piece of paper stuck to my feminine product. But now the site takes it so much further. A wish your friend a happy period ecard? time of the month mantra? Pad-o-meter. Ok, they are targeting a younger audience than my 34-yr-old self, but still. Do people go for this? I noticed they didn't have an ecard that said, "So sorry you're not pregnant." or "Whew!" Maybe they should print that on the paper. They could color code them, to make sure you buy the right box, depending on your mood.

Further, I am invited to join "beingirl" and tell them how I make my period happier. Again, obviously not for my age bracket, but what is with that? Don't we matrons need pads too? Are only the young, skinny girls allowed to ride horses and go shopping and frequent photo booths during their periods? Sheesh. Now, I originally misread it and thought it said that I could tell THEM how to make my period happier. I had visions of the Anita Diamant book, The Red Tent. I envisioned them setting me up for a week without anyone to care for but myself. Resting, sharing the company of other women also on the rag, eating the cooking that was made by the young girls of the village who knew how to cook, and taking a break. As God(dess) intended. That would make my period happier. Not riding a horse or trying on clothes even though I am bloated. But I do hear there's a cure for that, too.

Why can't we just rest? And eat chocolate? And be taken care of? And be CRABBY? Maybe we have this week so we will stop being so nice to everyone and be honest for 20% of our lives. Maybe if we are crabby enough everyone will leave us alone and we can finally read that book we've been meaning to. Because if I'm having a happy period, I'm guaranteed people will still want me to do things for them. No thank you. I'll forego my happy week and live as nature intended. In pajamas with an Instyle magazine and some dark chocolate while I watch What Not to Wear and Project Runway. Now THAT would make me happy. (Don't tell anyone.)


Again, I have to say that I have been a loyal user for years. Dryweave and wings rock. But I just don't need a note in pad. I don't know that anyone does.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO, I love it!! Maybe instead of little notes to be happy on our pads, they should come with coupons free chocolate, nanny and maid service and an all inclusive trip to a world class Spa and resort? That would make ME have a happy period!