Thursday, March 01, 2007

Constant Gamble

I'm so happy to be writing again. I'm so happy to be a mom. But the two don't go together real well. Blogging may be the only kind of writing I can really do right now. Short bursts while the child sleeps or is momentarily happy entertaining himself. But while he sleeps, he could wake at any moment (and he often does).

I take different assignments on my blog. Some from myself for my own well-being. Some from others because I am interested and I get monetary reimbursement. I sit here considering assignments, and in the back of my mind, I always think, "Will this assignment, like many, many others, be interrupted or aborted or finished too quickly because of the call of 'Mommy'?"

It's a tough balance. Do I take this assignment and take that risk? Do I let it go? Do I wish away my child's younger years? So far, I have not. But until recently I was content to just be mom. Now I have the writing bug again. I cannot just be mom for the rest of my life. I will now always be mom. I need to be more again. But can I? Or perhaps the question is, "How can I?" How do I create the balance? How do I win the gamble? Will I get this done? Should I try? If I do, will it be good enough? Will it matter to anyone but me? If it matters to only me, does it still matter?

Ahhhh...Mercury Retrograde.


No comments: